How many times in a season do we say things to our children like, "Was it fun?" and "Did you have fun?" In thinking about this, I realized something. This is conveying a value to our children. It is conveying the message that life is about having fun, that having fun is an extremely important part of life.
What if, upon returning from an activity, the question we always asked was something like, "Were you the strongest kid there?" or "Was anyone stronger than you?" What if we asked our girls, "Was there anyone prettier than you?" "Were you the prettiest one?" "Who was the prettiest one?" That would be awful because it would be conveying the message that being pretty or strong was of utmost importance. Instead, we convey the message that having fun is of utmost importance.
The problem is, life is not really about having fun. There is some danger in conveying to our children that having fun is the measuring stick by which activities are judged. This value leaves off goodness. If life is about having fun, then whatever they do is okay, as long as it's fun. And if it's not fun...our children will grumble and complain when doing it because they are supposed to always have fun.
We know that life is obviously about God. I love that song "It's all about You." Among other things, Living for God is about our living at peace with Him and others. If we are having fun at the expense of our peace - doing that which does not bring peace, then what we thought was fun ends up leaving us feeling empty and depressed. So, our question should center more around the values of God - living at peace with Him, walking in a way that pleases Him and blesses others. That would be a great value to convey to our children through our regular questioning.
I'm not sure how to replace the "Was it fun?" question with "Were you at peace?" without sounding like a flower child. However, I do want to begin replacing this wrong message by slowly removing that question. It will be hard because I probably ask that question at some point every week.
Perhaps we should ask the question, "Who did you bless?"
